I have to admit right after having Wyatt I had so many mixed emotions! I felt fear, confusion, worry, happiness, sadness, and of course love. However, the heart thumping love took awhile to get here. I know this must sound bad, but after talking to many women they felt the same way as I did. They adored their little one, but all the emotions overwhelmed them so much that it was hard to feel that total all consuming love. Becoming a mom has been the greatest event in my life so far, but I never imagined how overwhelming it is. I am not talking about the new duty itself, but the emotional rollercoaster of being a mom.
When I stay out at my folk's house too late I worry about coming home alone, and someone lurking to grab Wyatt. At the grocery store I wipe down the cart like a crazy woman, and then douse myself in hanitizer before I touch him. Heaven forbid someone try to get close to my baby as I clutch him to my chest to deflect germs! Sometimes I will look down at him in my arms and he is giving me a smile...and I melt in happiness. Of course then I often get so frustrated when I haven't eaten in twelve hours and Wyatt is inconsolable. It's a wild ride I am on, and there will never be a stop button. It took me a month to finally look down at my little guy and feel that melty kind of love a lot of people feel right off. The kind of love that makes the peeing on mama, and no sleep all normal and worthwhile. I am so glad to have my little guy in my life, and yet still shocked that he is here.
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